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Did you know that the penalty for stealing somebody’s horse is death by hanging?
That may seem like an extreme punishment, but good luck trying to change the likes of these weird Florida laws. Most of them were passed for a specific, practical reason – and although things have changed, the law takes its time.
Which means they’re here to stay.
Most of these antique rules are not strongly enforced or widely prosecuted, but information is power. The more you know, the less likely you’ll be to offend.
Stay educated and avoid arrest with this handy guide that dives headfirst into Florida’s crazy history.
15 Weird Florida Laws to Keep in Mind
We’re not gonna lie: the Sunshine State has some questionable rules. Wanna navigate some of those with us so that the next time you’re walking around Hialeah, you don’t get a misdemeanor for strolling?
We thought so.
Keep these in mind, residents and tourists!
1. Don’t fart after 6 pm, unless you’re in the comforts of your own home!
Because doing so in public is illegal, apparently. We’re scared to hear the story about how this became a law.
Florida’s not the only one advocating for public decency. Australia engaged in a 2011 fight for flatulence to be illegal in public 24 hours a day. If you can’t control your farting, “go to the toilet instead,” said lawmakers.
Let’s just say, we’re not complaining about this one.
2. Don’t nap at the hair salon, ladies
And don’t let them, shop owners!
You know that nice, steady whirring noise from the hair dryer? Don’t let it lull you to sleep. You could be fined, as well as the owner of the salon for allowing you to rest your eyes.
Who’s calling the cops for this stuff? That’s what we wanna know.
3. Not married? You better not live with your partner. And you better not commit any “lewd acts” either
We’re sure there are quite a few people breaking this law right now.
Luckily, we can say that most Florida cops probably don’t care too much about this one. Dare we say, some may even be committing the same crime right now?
4. All my single ladies! . . . cannot jump out of airplanes on Sundays
Is forging a marriage certificate illegal?
Because we think this law is bogus.
Single women could potentially face arrest, jail time, or fines!
5. Don’t forget to shower with your clothes on
Or your bathing suit. Whatever you do, just don’t be naked.
Why? Because it’s illegal, silly! Have you been showering without clothes on this whole time?
We won’t tell.
6. Imitating an animal in the state of Florida is illegal
Where are all the cops on Halloween? We’ve seen more than a few puppies and kitties out there trick-or-treating. . .
But don’t arrest those kiddoes, please. Let ’em have fun.
7. Living in Tampa Bay? We hope you’ve never tried to eat cottage cheese after 6 pm on a Sunday
What does Florida have against the hours of 6pm-12pm on Sundays!?
Whatever you do, we recommend staying home during these hours. It sounds safest.
8. Oakland, Florida has officially banned gossiping
Attending high school in Oakland? Life just got so much easier.
9. Termite farms are prohibited in Miami
Another law that no one’s complaining about.
(Guilty of this offense? Contact Grieco Law Center to get you off the hook. . . and back in the good graces of your neighbors.)
10. Don’t park your elephant in a handicapped spot. Also, don’t forget to pay proper parking fees when parking your elephant
At least while you’re in Sarasota.
And should we say “parked”? Not sure what you call leaving your elephant unattended and tied up in a space typically designated for motor vehicles.
Hey, we didn’t write these rules. We’re just dealing with them. My elephant has a slew of unpaid parking tickets!
11. Attention skaters: did you know it’s illegal to skateboard without a proper skateboarding license?
Luckily, the cops don’t seem to be too strict about this one, either. We’ve seen many a group of skaters crushing stair sets downtown.
Keep it low-key and you should be good. The more respectful you are, the less likely you’ll bother other civilians.
12. Resist the urge: don’t kiss your wife’s breasts in public
We don’t care how romantic your dinner was! We don’t care how fun your date was! We don’t care that it’s your 25-year anniversary!
Keep your mouth away from those breasts until you get home.
(And definitely, whatever you do, don’t kiss them in public after 6 pm on a Sunday.)
13. It’s illegal to sell your kids in Florida
As it should be, we think.
Lemonade stands? Garage sales? Florida loves those.
Just don’t put your kids up for sale; they’re priceless.
14. Thinking about singing karaoke on the beach with your friends? Well, don’t
Not unless you want to be subject to fines or arrest. No matter where you are, the combination of karaoke and bathing suits is illegal. Cover up, or get inside your nearest karaoke bar, before a cop sees you!
15. Don’t have sex with a porcupine
And definitely don’t dress up like one, either.
Engaging in sexual activity with these spiky creatures has been banned in the state of Florida.
So hang up your porcupine costume (also illegal) and check in to the nearest mental hospital, because you just tried to have sex with an animal.
Stay Informed, Stay Out of Jail
Believe it or not, this list isn’t all-inclusive.
That’s right: there’s more, and there’s weirder. Like when the fashion police arrested that guy in his tube-top dress; what does his arrest record say, exactly?
We can’t get mad at the Sunshine State, though. Other states have their fair share of strange, dumb, or unfair laws. Unfortunately, it’s just as hard to repeal them as it is to enact them in the first place.
We’re confident that you obey most of these laws weird Florida laws. And if you don’t, we’re sure you have a really interesting story to tell.
Think we missed any good ones? Let us know!
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